I met my ex the night before.

It was our reunion after nearly 2 weeks of seperation. He was away a day earlier to KK for a short weekend holidays with his gig, while I went off to Bangkok. And when I'm back, I flew out again to Miri leaving him all alone not to himself maybe but with his gig.

So, what am I suppose to think the past few weeks when things unreal happening to be real and threatening to my side. I know how much he loves me, but does he really do like he does the first time.

I know I have changed drastically the last time he dumped me. I knew my heart was already closing down to accept only the one man, but this one man I was hoping for to received it back does not want to acknowledge nevertheless continued on pursuing what he thinks is bests for us.

I'm blindly following the course, maybe because I'm guilty of my dirty sins I've committed and how much I have hurt him in the past. If that becomes the measure, then I am deserving all this now. But coming to a point where I know that a person who has committed a mistake shouldn't be punished forever. And I certainly don't know where does the line stand.

You can say I'm in a terrible emotional hurt at this moment. Especially when I had the one week break from studies, it gave me the advantage to think of this relationship I have with a man whom I really love and care at the same time is going out with another man which I have no doubt would turn out to be a serious one later.

I need a voice to whisper to me, a direction. I need to listen to the voice from within me, but I'm not too sure of it too because it sounds so confusing to me.