Just some stuff on my cheer in my files.

Coming to think that the previous semester has come to an end, and with the tiny 2 weeks for a break I will have to come back again to the hostel and register myself again for the short semester. And it is at this period, from April until end June that I would be running crazily with my hectic schedule tossing everything between my two bare hands.

First, I'm taking up 4 subjects in this short semester in order for me to graduate by year end. And while I'm strugglinh with books, I'm also organising a major event on campus for the communication society. I'm inviting Yasmin Ahmed and also some other panel during this Communication Week of ours sometime in May, where I will be also injecting some workshops on writing and public speaking. Besides, screening celebrated international movie throughout the week.

Secondly, cheer would be tuning into its most tense period. Two teams I'm coaching for the Nationals are quite my object of obsession because I badly need to win the National title this year to prove my work of being a coach cum choreographer and the utmost celebrated cheerleaders comes true! This would take almost my free time to near zero.

Thirdly, I would might have to spend a little extra time for my love ones including my now self declared officially by my ex, my boyfriend and also my family. Besides, dad just reminded me rigourously that he wants to see more of me at home and not on the papers. Wtf!

To hell with the So you think you can dance program, all they wanted was cheap entertainment. Let me move on with my beautiful life. Kalau tak jadi popular pun takpe. Janji, hidup to the fullest.

Some shots of me and the lyrical dance I stole from somewhere. Sorry sayang. Heheh.

I was privilledge to be at a book launch of one local writer, where I saw the many socielites minggling around with the food and beverage. It was a scene where you totally cannot resist seeing that they were not to be attentive to the three readers but it was a moment to see your friends, and gossip on other things and not the book.

It was also a moment where you might be bumping to an old friend or colleague and another conversation would rose. Then another, and another. Oh, it might also be the night where you would be tossing your business card around like this one man whom I coincidently saw at different time giving out his name card. Euuu...

I was there to perform a lyrical piece from a Turkish music with two other friends. Well it happen to be my ex's close friend book launch, so that was how I made it into the picture. I enjoyed doing my piece, because as one celebrated dancer it's always your pleasure to express the language of your body through the many forms of dance. Yesterday's was my own inspiring piece.

I'm leaving to Penang today. The communication student of my University College is participating in this ADWAVE 07 event organised by the Mass Communication school of USM. This is the 10th annual event, and at tomorrow's workshop one of our speaker would be Yasmin Ahmed. One of the reason I'm actually taking this trip with great enthusiasm besides me being the President of the Communication Society, this would also be one of the major activities this year.

Will be back on Saturday afternoon, when the evening I have to endure in an all night long rehearsal with my cheerleading team. Because the very next day we will be competing with 10 other groups around town at Cineleisure Damansara for the Charm Cheerleading Championships. It is tough, mind boggling and irritating to be one of the most hunted teams. Living to the everyone's expectation the only one thing I could ask for is to please them that is to win obviously. Let see how that goes.

Finally, I'm writing from the desktop from the lab. Just 2 hours ago, I was attempting my last paper for this semester. That was the sixth, and the last to hurray me to a much needed holidays in the coming week.

I won't exclaim that the paper was easy nor tough, it was just appropriately even. You know, cukup-cukup makan. I can blame it on me again, for being totally ignorant of what are the priorities for the weekend. I had 3 days from the fifth paper to this to prepare and it took me at 5am this morning to revise. What did I do the last three days?

Well Friday, I had the usual cheer training. We have a competition this coming Sunday at Cineleisure Damansara and being the one hot favorite team it takes real pressure to actually perform to our true best. That night I stayed over at Pantai Hillpark, which I had to wait for nearly 3 hours outside because my ex wasn't back from his short teh tarik with his buddies. Whatever. So I took the opportunity to go through my audition routine for So You Think You Can Dance reality program.

I woke up around 8 the next day to go for auditions. Well I was excited because this was the right platform for me to excel. I was there slightly around 9 and registered with 2 friends. Of course being a dancer for awhile, you will definetly be noticed and also seeing the other dancing friends of yours trying out their luck. I was interviewed twice before the audition which in a way already gave me the extre confidence. I showed some stuff which was a bit too much I think.

I heard how the process went the first day so expected the same the next day. We had to dance to the tune of Pump It from Black Eyed Peas. The song was ok, but what I did was truly something not I expected too. In my interview, I mentioned how my background was so influenced with my cheerleading career. The American judge was impressed with the cheerleading development in Malaysia, which hold my interview longer than others.

After the audition, while waiting for the result, I was again interviewed but now by a reporter from Kosmo. So imagine what was I to feel after all the fuss? Confidence grew bigger. I was even asked to go to the billboard of the reality program for some headshots. Many people were looking, and already congratulating. But I was not sure.

Then result came in. I knew and sensed something was wrong when my number was called out. Eventually I was in the group who did not made it to the next round.

Again I was interviewed for being the loser.

I shed a few tears, because I wanted this so badly. After watching the American version last year, I thought it would be cool to have it here. And when finally when it materialise it seems to be I was just not good enough to entice the eyes of the judges!

You can't win everything that you are doing at, you can just keep on trying. Until the day you win. Amen.

It's been awhile, since my last post. Blame it on me for being such an Aquarius.

First of all, I accepted a cheer job to train some kids at one private school in Damansara and it required extra attentions especially with the competition as the other teams competing are trained by my rivals. So strees mounted up because I had to proove what I'm good at, or the least to win.

Secondly, after back from the Bangkok trip it was worst than hell back on campus. I had many unfinished assignments to rush on, and even 2 of it was actually dued before the CNY break. But because me being me, I managed to squeeze myself out and passing up the assignments to the lecturer. My classmates are so jealous of me because I kipas my lecturers, but then I didn't do much but used wise and correct words to convince my lecturer that I had proper excuses. Perhaps plus some home made carot cakes to be given away, it's not that bad kan? Anyway, I don't refer me to kipas my lecturer, pity them. I aircondition my lecturer's ok!

My ex or boyfriend is off to Brunei for some wedding. Well he is planning the hantaran for one, and another wedding is his cousin's. I'm missing him so much since he left last Thursday. But he'll be back tonite, and yes, will have some pumping going on!

My first paper for this semester is tomorrow in the morning. And another 3 on Thursday. My final which is on Monday, will close this semester's horrible chapter. I think I'm going to either maintain or drop a few points. A miracle will see if I ever go beyond 3.500 points.

Besides revising, I'm working on my routine for 8TV's audition this weekend for So You Think You Can Dance? Well I'm not saying that I can dance, primarily I'm entering this just for the fun of it. Since I know my singing skill sucks, and dance is my platte well why not just give it a try. By the way, my hip hop group made it to the next round of the Stomp The Yard hip hop dance challenge. This competition is in conjunction with the release of the movie end of this month. My group will perform this Sunday at Menara Axis, Fitness First to compete to qualify for the grandfinal. Will see how it goes then.

My emotions are dropping down to its most critical level. I sense that whatever I hope to build on is going to fall apart.

It's been a month now that I have my sixth sense implying how unstable my relationship is with my ex. It's again so confusing to depict this the fact that he is an ex, but someone whom I love so much. A man, the only one, who has really taken my heart away. And now it seems to be fading away.

I don't know how serious is he especially when I have my time spend on him. What can I conclude is that he is really hurt from the past, if he is so then it is better for me to leave him unhurt again. If I can't be forgiven for what I have done, then I will have to leave him alone. I will have to move on.

BUT, I still cannot think of this to happen because I really believe in working things out.

I really hate his gig, although I have no business barging into his. But it certainly has given me the slight competitive to have my man right in my arm's and not his. I certainly know my ex only wants one thing, a man who is comfortably on his side. A man who can be with him and for him. And looking at all perspective, I'm at the losing end.

I might as well just live with all this. Let he be happy.

It's so stupid for me to know when I'm writing this, sooner or later my ex will definetly be reading this too. A true confession.

Sayang, my heart is ill. I cannot do this anymore. When I'm with you now,
I don't see that spark. When I profess my heart out, I don't see your respond.
When I need you, I don't see that you need me no more. My love is lost in
translation.