Trying to sort my life the past few days. The sms from my ex still boils in my mind until today. I feel so helpless, and sometimes things that I do do not give me any satisfaction. Like last Sunday, I had a performance at Atmospheare for the East is Red Party, a fund raising event for Pink Triangle. The thought of having gorgeous man around me and watching me prouncing like an angel did not give me a full blast hard on. I was still in mourn of the death of my love relationship. The one that took nearly 2 years to build.

I'm so thankful that my friends are quite sensitive. Maybe not all but the encouragement I get is enough to give me a needed rest. I shouldn't be thinking too much since the decision was done. Or was it not? I am so confused. Part of me wants the relationship back, and part of me not.

And today it strike me again! Someone blurted out that..."oh yeah, take things for granted Jude!" Perhaps it is very true that I take things for granted. Two sms of the same issue from two different people was enough to wake me up! It was my rude awakening. I was sitting on the sofa thinking on what I have done in the past and how have I been taking everything for granted!

I have no blinking idea how to pour out my love issue here.

Just to cut the chase, I was dumped by my boyfriend of nearly 2 years on Thursday evening. I was devastated. The sms he sent me damaged the whole idae of having a wonderful relationship. It goes:

"This is what I want you to do tomorrow afternoon. Come over to the house an collect your stuff. Leave the house key in the mail box. Please make it clean and simple."

What the f**k?

"I derserved it", someone said.

"Owh, you poor little thing", said another.

I thought I could have confronted him and asked for forgiveness. But I didn't. I couldn't. "All this while you took me for granted", he said.

I haven't cried. But the grief I tendered the past 3 days is unimaginable. I love him still, in fact he is the first guy I have really fallen in love with.

I will let the weekend to rest, and will let the week to decide. Being the alone me would be a blessing, or could be pure nightmare. I don't know what future brings for me. I can't think.

Today is my worst every nightmare...

I went to visit Thermos today after been missing in action for a near 2 weeks. So I decided to just drop by, and meet my sauna buddies.

The other excitement was that Thermos went through a small renovation, and that kept the excitement. But what could be the worst thing to hit you (as a boyfriend)?

When you bumped into your boyfriend at the sauna! At the doorstep!

God help me.

Have you watched Emily Rose? Creeps me until today. I watched the excorcism movie with my sayang before I left for Genting. And while I was at the Hotel, the thought of creepy sound and sixth sense haunts me. Thank God I have a macho room mate who kept accompanying me. Ha.

I will be watching Harry Porter real soon, and Chicken Little too. Or should I not? Oh by the way, I will be performing at Atmospheare this Sunday for East is Red Party, a fund raising event for Pink Triangle and also next Wednesday at Zouk for Mambo Jambo: Back to School Party.

Cool huh?

I have 2 events to look forward to this weekend. Firstly, will be attending an open house cum birthday party. Of course there would be a full load of men there. But sigh, my boyfriend will be right beside me shooting down at every opportunity I have. On Sunday, besides the party at 12SI my team will be having a sparring session with a cheerleading team from Singapore. Coolness again?!

Shit, class starts next week!

I was browsing through the pictures gallery at www.kl-iq.com and there was this one particular or two snaps taken that caught me! Here it is:













Now focus on the guy with the red tee! We look alike! Spooky!

Jill, me and Faiznur at Genting. This is one of our snapshots taken while lepaking after our cheerleading showcase. Jill captains Maclay of SMK Seri Bintang Utara while Faiznur co-captains Xavier of SMK Convent Bukit Nanas. Me? The ultimate male cheerleader of Malaysia!

Announcement: I will be going to Singapore for a cheerleading coaching exam. If I were to pass this, I will be the very first certified cheerleading coach in Malaysia! Singapore trip will be from December 3rd til 7th.

Now that I am back, there is so many many things that I have to run through. In midst of my massive personal agendas, I will be celebrating a family affair "victory" when my dad and younger sister will be graduating from their respective paper. Dad for his MBA and sis her Diploma.

Though I am suppose to be proud of thier achievements, I am trapped in a rivalry. I am 23 this coming February, and IF I were to follow suite what I was planned to do ie. Law, I should be graduating by June next year!

Sigh. I have nothing to shout about now, because I am still stuck at Base 1. I hope things will go easier for me real soon. I'm so confused with everything now! Very confused.

whooooo.....the ultimate male cheerleader is back from Genting!

I didn't really bother to stop by at the cyber cafe at the Hotel where the team stayed, because 1 hour cost me bloody RM10! The 8 day trip was nothing to shout about, as this is my third cheerleading showcase there.

Nothing much has changed since then.

I miss my sayang so much. He couldn't call me sometimes as the room I was staying at has very bad reception. He solved it by calling the Hotel, and connected to my room. So clever. Love him more everyday!

I will be leaving to Genting tomorrow morning for a cheerleading showcase. This is our 3rd.

The showcase will end on the 18th. If you have no plans on the weekend, drop by to Genting First World Plaza and you will be able to catch my performance. Hehehe....

Believe me, time flies very fast!

Today, I will be reunited again with my loving boyfriend after a 10-day old seperation. Thanks to Raya. I can't imagine our first reaction when I see him at home tonight.

Would I greet him say Hi and shake hands? Or should I salam Raya and give him a I miss you so much hug. Or maybe just a kiss, and let that say it all. I torn with many choices. Maybe I do all.

I can't believe the excitement of having him back in my arms. We have only 5 days to celebrate our love drill before I leave for Genting.

He got up early today, to buy me herpia at the pasar pagi in suburb Kuching. The last time I was there, he brought me for a delicious breakfast. Besides the mouth watering Sarawak laksa, I fell in love with herpia! What the heck is herpia? It's a type of kueh, and I have no blinking idea how to explain the ingredients.

The holidays finally comes to the tail end.

So how has everyone enjoyed the week? The Sleaze Ball Party 2005 was the one main attraction of the week. Party was held every other night, at various club. Bliss was the central place to meet Singaporeans and other foreigners flocking the town while most alim Malays balik kampung! I didn't bother to attend any of the party maybe because I was not really attracted to the music scene. The last time I encountered this kind of experience, having Singaporeans in town too was 2 years ago. Then, it was total hopeless. The Singaporeans then,was only to flesh their muscles out. As though it was an orgy Mr World Flex Your Muscle competition. It was pathetic, and sad.

Since my boyfriend departure for Raya, as though time has given me the freedom I wanted. But then I didn't bothered to use any opportunity. Except for the 2 nights' I visited Blue Boy!

NOTE: Blue Boy is so so boring!

I can't believe the fact that for the first time I did not shake my booty on the floor. All I did at Blue Boy was sitting pathetically on the sideline and watch other mankeys strutt their stuff. The music was boring. This is already a sign. Musictheuqe has to re-open next week! But this monkey wouldn't be around to grace the floor. I will heading up to the Genting highland for a 8 day cheerleading performance at Times Square.

*sigh*

M A L E D A N C E R

Episode 1

I'm in the midst of setting up an all-male dance group, who will be featured on the plu clubbing scene. I went for a major audition announcement on the Internet from Kakiseni to Klue and Friendster. I hope to find at least 4 guys who share the same interest and talent. The requirement is you have to be between 18 - 25 partly because I would prefer someone who is still studying. This dance group could be a sideline activity. You can be str8 or not, but I would rather choose the later. Good physique is a must, because I want my dance group to be a bunch of desired young fresh meat! At least when we perform, the guys can feast themselves and not chat away while I'm breathing heavily memorising the steps. Another requirement is talent. You have to be as good as Britney! And please, no lembab in the team!

I came across this blog, a male dancer residing somewhere in Canada. Try check him out. He is cute and obviously gay. Another dance freak like me:www.xanga.com/male_dancer_ca

Can't tolerate this holiday season. I have fallen trapped into boredom. I became a slave to the fairytale world.

I took so many pictures of myself from the new Canon IXUS digital series. Gosh I look so horrible! It made me realised how much I have put on weight.

I have been skipping gymnastics for a month now. I have not been to the gym as regular. If I did, well what does 1-2 sets of repetition do to me? All I do at the gym is playing my Misssy Elliot cd and dance like a retard. The poor mirror could break into pieces real soon.

I went swim last night. Only a mere 10 laps. Pity.

Hopefully to tone down 2-3kilos by next week. And how do I achieve that? By accepting all the Raya open house invitations!

Chombi revealed!

A new hp from my beloved boyfriend!