I have one major confession to make, but sadly I can't make it here! Sob.

So I'm a cheerleader, and I'm now a dancer. But I'm overweight?!

It has been one of my personal issues of having an ideal weight for myself. Although I have receive some nice comment that I do look nice with my weight now, but I still have this little insecurities of myself. A guy whom I don't know well came to me once and said that if I really take care of myself like cutting out the excess fats and going to gym, I would be a goddess. How intrigue?

Cinderella story is nice to hear. But to me, my overweight issue is not a Cinderella story. I would blame this on my active lifestyle. More of my hormones actually. I have this one major problem, which I think almost

everyone who is close to me knows what is it. When it comes to food, I can be an animal freak. I eat as though food has not been served for 1000 years. I eat as though there is no tomorrow.

Once, I was at the cafeteria at college. I ordered a nasi ayam (nasi tambah), and then had wantan soup as a side order. Then I again I ordered another light meal, eggs with hotdogs. Plus a dessert, waffle with ice cream! In between, I had 2 carrot juice. My classmates were horrified. I was too. Now my nickname in class is Tum-Tum. It hurts inside.

So today I have made a big decision. A personal decision. My boyfriend might be laughing his heart out when he reads this, but I guess it takes one to start. I will be cutting a lot of food from now onwards. No more eating late at night. No more eating two meals at once. Junk food is okay but not too excessive! Focus more on getting rid of the excess fats first. Swim and jog, if not then just do some cardio dance. Just remembered, my Fitness First membership is still hanging loose. I should go tomorrow!

I want to be a goddess. I want to be a beautiful swan. Not an ugly duckling! Not a guy to be rejected because of his overweights.

People say beauty comes from within. But as I already know the asam garam of this cruel world, beauty is from outside first. It is so true.

My crush! This boy is my junior at college. Well he is a Diploma student, but doing the same course Corporate Communication. Born in Johor Bharu. I read his profile on Friendster, and found out that one of his hobby is actually reading the Quran. Gowd, it really ticked me off!

He lives in the same hostel block as me. Him on the 7th while me on the 1st floor. Went to his room only once, with another course mate who borrowed his laptop. I caught him, I mean we caught him half naked with his boxers short only. Rasa nak makan je!

Anyway, I heard he is confused. I hope he is. Because he was born to be people like us!
p/s: Sayang jangan marah sangat ye. It's just a crush. At least I'm honest!

I knew I would be having a really really busy week ahead of me but did not think that things would really go this extreme.

Every evening, I will be very tired. My eyes sore and body aching. Imagine since Monday I had to get up early for a morning cheerleading session. Then moving on with another school in the afternoon, and then to All Stars practise in the evening. Had the same one again for Tuesday and Wednesday.

Gowd. Although this helps me lose some weight, and have a nice figure back but the setbacks I'm getting is just untolerable. And those around me is not helping either. So I had to sneak and take a nap whenever I can. Which I did in between recess, or while I'm in the taxi or even at home when TV is on but watching me sleeping.

I hope all this will bring the betterment, especially with the Nationals. I know this year I have the brightest chances to win some trophies with the teams I am coaching. I just hope the cards will be played right this time around.

DSTARZ, SMK (P) SRI AMAN

I’m on my short term break, and will be resuming back for the new long semester this coming 23rd. So what’s keeping me tight up on schedule? To you, it might be boring but to me it matters most as what I do is what I really care and love doing. What else? Cheerleading!

The 7th national high school championship is scheduled on July 1 & 2 at the national indoor stadium in Bukit Jalil. Prelude to that, the regional qualifiers will be held at Penang and Johor respectively on the 24th and 25th this month. I might be going to Penang to watch.

This year alone, I’m coaching 3 schools.
SMK (P) Sri Aman, Petaling Jaya (senior team), SMK Seri Bintang Selatan, Cheras (junior team) and Sekolah Sri Garden, Cheras (senior team)

This would be my fifth year, coaching cheerleading seriously. And being one of the pioneer cheerleader with the so-called national cheerleading team, Extreme Malaysia All Stars (formerly known as Team All Stars of Malaysia), it is so interesting that I have not won the national title yet! So this time around, I might sound a little bit desperate as I am betting my cards on the Sri Aman senior team whom I see has the brightest prospect to shine at the nationals. Meanwhile, the junior team from Seri Bintang Selatan is slotted to win the Best Newcommer title. If all goes well, I would be the celebrated coach of the year! Fingers crossed.

ANCHORZ, SMK SERI BINTANG SELATAN

So what is it like to be in a situation when the person you love most does not understand you? And at the same time you were totally caught up on the wrong edge, and everything seems to point out the bad impression of you?

I had a messed up quaral with my love one last week. I was really pissed with his attitude, something I have already been immune too. But it got too much when I just blew the lid off. I was writing and replying messages constantly. Putting all the past to the present, and saying all things I shouldn't have as what I did was wrong. Well if I put my communication theory unto hand, I shouldn't have. But one cannot control self emotion right?

I would describe that I am having an emotional war with my partner. Seriously, I don't know what is getting into his head? It seems that sometime he doesn't understand at all what I am going through.

I had to go back to my parents to so-called celebrate my thriumph at the dance competition, when initially it was suppose to be just the two of us. Well I had to informed him about the plan has to be postponed. So then he had to mention that oh I cannot see you until Friday, which I understand because his mom is admitted to the hospital. What I am not satisfied with is that he wants me to make all the first move to say things and act them out. I mean, WTF!

Sorry you have to read this, but I had to write them somewhere. I have no one to turn to. My sister is too in love with his Nepalese cyber boyfriend so has no time for my little grudge. Gay friends to turn too? I guess everyone has a problem. So who else to turn to when I have a personal blog!

But personal it is, when even my lover already know's the web address!

I'm just so fucked up now.

My boyfriend has a cat, which does not belong to him but his brother who resides in Penang. So now, we have to be the unfortunate foster parent for the time being. I think. But anyway, her name is Xena. But I call her Zina (originates from the Malay word berzina) because she likes to f**k around with all the other stray male cats at Pantai Hill Park! And when I found out that she was pregnant, I gave her a surname too. Trash. So her official registered name with the Jabatan Pendaftaran Haiwan now is Zina Trash. Well she looked so trashy the last time around, during her pregnancy period. I don't even borther to pat her.

She gave birth to four kittens, of which my boyfriend and I were so excited about when we heard Zina's kittens was already meowing in the computer room. Well we were chatting in the master room when I heard some kitten crying out loud. I'm like......my other cats don't cry that way. Owh shit! It's Zina! She's delivering!

So now, with her four kittens being fed and kept in the cage to be put safe from danger (my other two cats Joey Jinx and Jinggo Jinx) life is just beautiful for Zina. Of the four, my boyfriend is keeping one. Well I kinda insisted him to. We are taking the biggest in size, apparently quite big for a month old kitten. Chubby of course, obese I don't know!

We were deciding for his name. Maybe Chubby Jinx. So for a short form, we call him Chub!

Euuuuw.....so geli kan?!

The cats my boyfriend is feeding everyday:

1. Joey Jinx (female but very tomboy!)

2. Jinggo Jinx (male but very gay!)

3. Zina Trash (and her four kittens - 3 to be given away. Any takers?)

I made my debut as a solo dancer at the National Hip Hop Challenge 2006 at Summit USJ, begging 3rd placing in the solo dance category!

Well I competed at the qualifying rounds, 2 weeks back and was aiming to make it to the Finals. After qualifying to the Finals and knowing that the chances to win some prizes were there so I made up a routine which I think was good enough to give the veterans a run of thier money.

I'm just excited for finishing 3rd, well the best male soloist as the Top 2 was won by the only 2 female soloist in the Finals! Weird. Thank my boyfriend who was supporting me with ideas and went shopping at Sungei Wang for the clothings. I spend nearly 200 bucks but in return redeemed them with the prizes I won which includes:

A trophy, a certificate, RM200 cash, Levis footwear and some other vouchers. Cool!

Boleh tahan lah...

L-R: Aina, Nicki and duh!

I'm pretty sorry for the long absence. I have been really busy. Tremendously tied up with either cheer, family assignment, class assignments, sex calls and cats. I have dine you some pictures of mine. Personel and none personel. Just to share my bit during my absence. Muah. And happy birthday to our King! Hail the King!