It has been a while since my last posting, and I'm not going to excuse myself from that either. Terribly sorry to any of you who have been anticipating to read more of my non rigorious lifestyle.

So the last time you know, I made my trip to Singapore for the PGLM tour. Indeed, it was a great experience for me. It was my debut in my theatre performance which paved ways for future undertakings. I'm not going to sweet talk on Tiara and her team, but without her and of course my mean but helpful choreographer Pat Ibrahim I wouldn't have become a better stage performer today. The final word, it was a success showcase in Singapore just exactly like you read in the paper. So perhaps next trip would maybe either to Jakarta, Korea or London.

During the 9 days stay there, I managed to squeeze my time to visit some interesting hangouts for people like us. The first night we were all given a rest night, and me and another cast member took the night to Clark Quey and paid our visit to Attica. It was so bloody packed, all I did was standing in a corner and watching how Singaporeans club. I think they sucked.

Nevertheless, my friend had better chances since my face was not of a value there. I didn't really get hitched with anybody, even at the sauna. Unbelievable!

I was reading a post at uniqueweird.blogspot.com just, and one of it was on which month do you belong to? So here is mine, with my personal comment!

February
(I was born on the 17th February 1983, the very same day my great grand father passed away!)

Abstract thoughts. True
Loves reality and abstract. Sometimes
Intelligent and clever. Yes
Changing personality. Not really
Attractive. Yes
Sexiest out of everyone. True
Temperamental. No, thanks to the Bible
Quiet, shy and humble. Yes
Honest And loyal. Yes
Determined to reach goals. Definetly
Loves freedom. Yes
Rebellious when restricted. True
Loves aggressiveness. Yah..
Too sensitive and easily hurt. Yes
Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Yes
Dislikes unnecessary things. True
Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Always
Horny. Hahahah
Daring and stubborn. Yes
Ambitious. Definet
Realizing dreams and hopes. Yes
Sharp. Hmmmm...
Loves entertainment and leisure. Yes
Romantic on the inside not outside. I thot I was both...
Superstitious and ludicrous. Sometimes
Spendthrift. Oh yes
Tries to learn to show emotions. Yes

Terribly sorry for long overdue. I have taken an offer to be part of the Puteri Gunung Ledang Musical tour to Singapore and the past 3 weeks has been a boring day to day for me.

I will be leaving, the whole cast will be leaving to Singapore this Sunday the 19th, 4 days of rehearsal at Esplanade and 3 days showcase on the 24th til 26th. And coming back on the 27th. I heard that if this turns out a success, this musical will be making a National Tour the next year and plans of going as far as to London.

I couldn't write much here the past weeks because life is so boring when I took the offer. Since it is my semester break, nothing stops me to be part of this magnificent production. Although I'm just an ensemble, but having my energy and small tiny contribution makes everything a sweet memory.

Will write back when I get back, where I will have to go back straight to class. As I have taken a week off from the new semester for the tour. Again, will be another instant celebrity then after the One in A Million 5 minutes fame. Darn. I hate this. Keeping me away from the cute guys.

The Top 10 Guys on SMS with Me The Past One Week

1. Reezal from Myspace - I got to know him from Myspace last week. We met at Midvalley the day after. I've not written anything about him because I prefer to make this a mystery for now.

2. Nix - I can't miss to get his sms everyday, so terpaksa lah layan him a bit. If not like any other anak ikan, they will start to bug you more.

3. Ken Desilva - Someone I met from somewhere a little while ago. I trapped him to actually confess that he was already in a relationship and putting me in the limelight together was so wrong. But we do still enjoy the company. Again, me being a teman tapi mesra!

4. Naz - My clubbing fren.

5. My Ex - Whenever I'm nearby his vicinity or say somewhere that reminds me of him, I would instantly sms him. Nothing wrong.

6. Harry - Owh! From the one and now dropping to number six even losing out to my Ex! He's been busy, and me too. So wouldn't want to put the emotional on the centrepoint. Let work lead the way for now.

7. Naifle - A close plu friend. Sometimes I sms would not get a reply, but always, I mean always call me at the wrong time! But kena layan cause I kawan setia....

8. JLo - My newest found plu friend. Actually he's in my cheer team, a junior, but whenever we're together lepaking it's just like an earthquake!

9. Haiqal - My junior at college.

10. Abg Sherhan from Singapore - We chatted for a while on the weekday just to update one another. And it costed me my credit! Fcuk!

My semester is coming to an end. And this week has been all books, research and finishing up the pile of assignment. This resulted in staying back an extra one day at the hostel just to complete my overdue assignment.

I have a one week study week leave before the final examinations, but still I will have to be on campus for some extra classes.

I have 19 credit hours this semester, and I personally think it has been the most challenging semester of all. I have 7 subjects to deal with, and 6 to sit for the finals. I completed one during the mid semesters and scored an A as expected.

I realized that the students from my school, School of Linguistics Infrastructure and Liberal Studies which accommodates student studying communications and language programs scores averagely higher compared to students from the Engineering, IT and Business school.

My batch has the highest amount of 3.5 points and above scorer, and I am torn in between. I’m quite satisfied with my current standings despite the heavy schedule I have with my extra curricular. If I were to compare, and make myself not involved in cheering and dancing (totally insane!) I know I would be the one, the one student to be looked upon too. Oh my gowd!

Whatever it is, the number one priority is to excel in my program and also at the same time to benefit from the campus life I have. Whatever I earn now, is transacted in the near future. This is what I believe in.

My examination timetable:
Nov 12 – Thursday – Human Communication
Nov 14 – Saturday – Mass Media and Society
Nov 15 – Sunday – Corporate Writing
Nov 16 – Monday – Basic Marketing
Nov 18 – Wednesday – Social Science & Corporate Communication

Being a companion to another is an honorable act because this would require one to spend his time and most importantly his mind emotion support.

So Chombi has been the perfect charitable model of this act as he has to spend his time with non other than Harry. And just recently Nix.

The past week, my personal endeavor with Harry has been intriguing and a little less boring. I spend the first Puasa eve with Harry, just to spend time with him since he begged for my companionship. Believe it or not, he had no other gay friend to turn to except than me.

I was a little bit reluctant in the first place, but knowing the fact that he was being genuine and I wanted to be a good friend so I did not turn down his invitation. We went to Desa Pandan for the meals.

As we went back, we worked things out just like an item, a couple. But deep in my mind, I know we were just playing a comfortable friendship role. I wasn’t thinking the same though. I miss playing the boyfriend role.

Missing the boyfriend role is one, but playing it the fullest is another. I don’t think I would play a fair chance for the other boyfriend if I were to commit to one in this time.

Same goes to Harry, and same goes to Nix.

The past few weeks since our first date, Nix has been the number one fan of mine. As to compared to Harry, and perhaps any other guys I have met for casual drinks, Nix displayed the most commitment and even promises.

I knew he was so into me, even until this moment. Not giving up despite the gazillions hints and also my explanation to him that I am not ready to play the role again. But he still wants to wait.

Just two nights back, he was calling me and I was lucky enough to lend my pathetic ears for a conversation. He was saying how much he misses me and so, and I was like, “….hmmmmm ok. Good for you.”

He wanted me to be his companion, if I could not be his lover.

I was like, “you mean teman tapi mesra?” I was thinking again for a moment. And said I will think about it because companion seems to be a little less easy going than to be a boyfriend and lover.

Maybe I will be someone’s companion for now, until I am ready to move on to the next stage. So my status now would be single but not available. Or attached but available.

This essay was written for my final assessment for Human Communication subject where we had to write on the Analysis of a Relationship. I think I wrote fairly well as I poured what I kept in mind for the past few years in this.

On 17 February in the year 1983, I was born into this world. The very same day my great grandfather ibu' Rangat, also known as a hero to the community then for his fighting spirit during the Japanese occupation in the 40's passed away. When I was first told of this when I was still a child by my grandfather ibu' Pudun, it didn't bother much of my emotions. But as I reached my teenage hood, it came across my mind again during my 17th birthday. It was then struck my mind that 17 years ago, the torch of the family was then passed to me from my great grand father.

Ibu Pudun or also known as James was sent to Australia for a teaching course by the British colony in the 60's and was fondly sharing about the family rich tradition background. My first contact with him was during one of our Christmas celebration. Since my family lived in Miri and both my grandparents in Lawas (45 minutes flight by twin-otter flight), I didn't get to see much of them except during the holidays. At that particular Christmas celebration, my grandfather was indeed happy to see all his grandchildren around. I was excited to see my cousins, and of course him.

My relationship with my grandfather was not as close as my other cousins, because I did not have the ample opportunity to spend time with him. And only during big family gatherings that I have the smallest chances to impress him with my communication skills. With the thought that he was my only grandfather around, it was already instilled in my mind that he was somebody I wanted to look up to.

As I grew and developed into a fine teenager, I was so curious of many things just like any teenager would do. And one of my biggest anxieties was to know more of my family background and this include knowing of my grandfather and his father and his father and so forth. During one of my school holidays, my parents sent me and my other siblings to go back and visit my grandparents. And this was when I had the involvement stage with my grandfather.

He was so proud to share of the family achievements. I never knew until that very day when he told me that my great grandfather was a heroic head hunter. He kills people for their heads. I was so disgusted when I heard it the first time, but to understand that it was an honorary job to do so during that time I then took it on the personal side. I was born in a family of heroes.

My grandfather was fond with his job. He was appointed by the British colonies then to be sent to Australia for a teaching course where upon his return he was to served the British government. My grandfather was the only 2 natives from the community who made that trip.

As I came back from my holidays, I instantly took pride of my grandfather and his endeavors. He was my hero then. As I knew that the next time I would be seeing him again was in months for Christmas again, I took the initiative to write him letters. We were pen pals for a while, and during that period I was embracing the love of a grandfather to his grandson as much as I could. I considered him as one of my best friend aside from my parents. There was once I had a difficulty to share with my mother on an issue, and I had to call all the way to my grandfather for comfort. And instead he took the front cover and consulted my mother. It was funny and I applaud for his generosity.

We were already the bestest friend and the envy of my other cousins, and during major family gatherings I would always have the honour to be with him. It was easy to find either one us. If anyone was to seek either one, it took only to find the other to spot one. And one most significant things I shared with him was that my grandfather had a big farm where he grew many animals and fruits and vegetables. My favorite was always the star fruit and whenever he knew that I was to come back with my parents, I would already expect a big basket filled with star fruits just for me. He scolded my aunt once for picking one fruit because he prepared them for me.

It was then I knew our love was great.

As days and months passes by, I have anxieties for the future. I was afraid to lose him as early as he was battling for cancer. My grandfather was a heavy smoker and drinker and with my parents and my uncles and aunties nagging to bid him to stop, he ignored them all. I was furious when I found out that he was not helping himself. And I remained to be an obedient grandson during his last days.

When his conditioned turned from bad to worse, my life I shared with him was put on the sideline. I lost a pen pal whom I could pour my feelings out, and I was beginning to lose sight of my hero capability. I assumed during the repairing stages of our lives, I visited my grandfather at home during the school break. I fed him, and brought him around for a morning walk every day. Although he couldn't speak much, I understood that whatever I said and shared was for him to hear. He acknowledges by smiling or just staring in my eyes to signal me that he understood every word I said. On that very last day of the school break, he knew I was leaving and it was all to be seen through his eyes. His tears rolled down his cheek when I gave him my salam as though we were not see each other again.

I couldn't cry because I was trying to hide my emotions as I was a man that he was going to pass the family torch to. All was secretly hidden in me. The emotion.

My grandfather passed away on the eve of 21st November 200, when I was only 17. Our relationship came to an end immediately he took his last breath at the hospital. But I considered our final separation a special one as I was the only one to see him then at the bedside. I still remember how our hands were gripped so tightly that only God knew the strength of his adrenaline pumped to mine.

I was completely blank for a few seconds until I realized that he has already left me for good. In that blinking seconds, the memory from the first day I acknowledged him as my heroic figure, the days of becoming my soul mate and friend, the moment he gives me the star fruits he had kept just for me came vividly through my mind. That was already enough to make me scream his name out loud and cried like a 2 year old boy as though his death was the end of all things.

The period until the funeral, I was only seated beside his casket. I was weak with no strength to notice what was going on then, but my mind was only thinking of him knowing that God was holding his hands to heaven.

Nearly 6 years down the line, I still remember his advices and words of wisdom. Where I stand today, was because of his contribution in preparing me to be a man of wisdom and a man of love.

Logging online the past few days has excite me on one particular site called Myspace. If you're already a member and have not put me on your friend's list please do so by adding me through my email: judebenjamin@yahoo.com

I prefer Myspace to Friendster now because of the interesting features they offer. I get to put my close friends on my Top Lists, and besides I can put on photo comments at any time. And interestingly too, there are more PLUs on Myspace then Friendster. Easy to say, the chances of hooking with a guy is more accessable.

I met one just yesterday. Apparently he was a university student just nearby mine so we messaged online frequently in the hour as we acknowledge ourselves as friends. He was a Sarawakian too, from Kuching. Just slightly 2 years younger than me. I saw all his picture, which of course was the initial start of the messaging. I thought he was cute. And pictures can really be deceiving.

When we met up at The Mines, I thought it was all bogus. A trap. He looked just exactly I saw him on the pictures on Myspace, but perhaps I didn't get to see his character until then. This boy was a slightly soft spoken and shy. Not to what I imagine he would be after all. Patah.

We chatted, but it took a while for me to adapt to his real personality. I was just plain me, perhaps simpler since he was already a turn off.

The lesson from this....jangan terhegeh-hegeh!

Just realising how fast time passes by.

It's already at the end of my semester, and exams are coming in 2 weeks. And I am so so dead. I know I'm expecting high carry marks for some subjects but the Finals is so so important for me to target the 3.5 pointer.

I was suppose to present yesterday for Corporate Communication subject, where I was to present on Managing Communications During A Crisis. But thanks to the MC I had from the doc, I will be able to postpone the presentation to next Monday. More room for adjustment and preparation.

On the topic crisis, it was mentioned that it is part of the human life to live around crisis in order for us to develop. Partly true. I used to have this major issue with my dad. A prolong issue since I was a teenager, and when things got really out of hand I still remember the night when I screamed my lung out of anger to my dad. Yelling the things I have kept in my heart for long to him. He was just in silence, and mum as usual crying. Then he apologised me. And blah blah blah....today Dad is just someone different. He changed for the better. To me. And that crisis we had was enough to build the better relationship I have with him.

Sorry, today I don't have much to write on expect to be an educationist for a moment. I was thinking the other what was I really going to do when I have gradauted.

1. I don't want to cheer and prance on stage for the rest of my life. But I know I am going to be the activists to promote the sport.

2. I don't want to work only for events. It's tiring, stressful but although fun.

3. Teaching? My only other option. Yes, I was thinking to take up lecturing. I still am fond of having myself leading a pack of youngsters who would want to spend their time to learn on new things. Like my coaching classes, I enjoy giving what I know and sharing them to anyone. So guess lectuaring is pretty much the same, but with the subjects that I am convince to share with.

Oh my gowd, Jude becoming a lecturer? Shut up!

I have called Harry less. I have messaged him less.

But he has been calling me a bit more often, and he has been messaging more than before.

I just want to go on with my life, because I don't see me going anywhere with Harry but only as a teman tapi mesra.

I was having a bad weekend. I had fever from Thursday night, the following day so on. I went to see the doctor on Sunday because the temperature was ceiling high and I was actually worried sick. My brother was admitted for dengue nearly 2 weeks back. So I only had that in mind.

Apparently doctor gave me antibiotics, and I'm a little bit fine now. I can see the blue sky clearer today. Heheh.

Harry called to asked if I was fine. I said I'm ok. He didn't say he missed me though. I think I'm asking too much out of it so that is why I decided to just let this go. Not giving up, but just let it go. Because he has other things on his mind now and having a new guy in his life is like a no-no yet.

Hey, I don't want to be in someone's life at the moment. But I just want attention!

So sad.

Today I went for a lunch appointment with my ex at Midvalley. He arranged it. Although we were suppose to meet a few days earlier, I kinda had to forgo the idea because I had other important prior engagements.

So meeting him again after nearly a month he ditch me in the drain made me want to kick him into the big drain too. But I just took things easy when I saw him at the corridor along MPH and Watsons on the ground floor. Twas good to see him again. We shook hands and ushered to the Centre Court.

He asked me where to have lunch, I said it was up to him. Since he is footing the bill. Heheh. He said he let's me to decide and I'm like OMG! So I just made a quick decision but meaninful. We went to this particular Japanese restaurant where they serve beef with rice.

It was once one of sweet days when my ex brought me there to eat. I hesitant at first but kinda liked it. With the different relationship we carry today, the food was still the same.

We chatted while enjoying the meal. I guess he did, while I was busy prapping on new things. I dind't know why I couldn't stop talking. I kept on and on, until I realised that his bowl was almost, say nearly empty while I was still struggling to have my one piece of bite. So I stopped talking and gave way for him to do so, but I couldn't eat much though because stupid me was on a diet lah.

Apparently my ex already knew the existence of my Harry. Why wouldn't I be surprised kan? By the point of the time this post has been online for at least 3 days, my ex could have at least read this already....(right sayang).

So he asked how's Harry, and the things he do blah blah blah..... I didn't want to go into any finer details because I felt so so inconvenient to talk about my current teman tapi mesra guy to my ex whom I have been bonking in bed for nearly 3 years! Gila kah. But I was so not ashamed of saying that I was still a Virgin Mary to Harry! Hip hip hurray.

We went for coffee afterwards at San Fran because Starbucks was loaded with corporate attired human beings chatting on I Don't Know and I Don't Care issues. We then proceed on some issues like our work together on the cheerleading, and his work. And also who is he going out with. Hmmmm.....at least I didn't want to get to know more like he did. Or was I?

Nice to see him again, and prelude to this it would be a comfortable relationship I hope between us. Although it sad to say I still love him so, but not like before.

Harry left to Melaka on Monday morning....and leaving me alone in KL wandering what is he up to there in Melaka. Well he has this convention event going on in Ayer Keroh I think, and I guess it's lot of workload for him this week.

I will be seeing him this Friday I think, if not then Saturday.

He actually called me on Sunday to stay over. He wanted a massage from me. I was not too sure as I had a presentation the next day. But with my weakness obviously on the downside, I actually agreed to see him at home but probably a bit later.

Late was not late, I think I went to his place in Ampang around 6pm.

I haven't finished my presentation slides that evening yet. It was for my Social Science final project presentation, and my topic was on Prostitution.

I became a part time prostitute that night, per say. Gave him a massage but not full body. Please, since I myself don't really know the proper techniques I just went on with whatever was right on my finger tip. Thank God, he was on high with the massage. Perlu ke?

We slept early I think about 11 or before midnite. I did managed to finish the slides, but not the effects and so what not. So my alarm next morning was at 6am.

You know what, and you might not believe this too. I think with that night, it could have been like nearly 10 nights being togother on his Queen size bed (or King) that we actually have not shared the intimacy like any other straight or bi or gay couple would yearn to share. I know he is keen to persuade on some intimacy, and of course I do, but he was obivously giving some weird and unimaginative signals to me. He lies with his back on me, so I give my hand to give him the hug. He reacts by gliding his back on my front. Except that I put my dick and balls further away a little from his cute butt.

That night, I celebrated my first hard on with him. But I did not do nothing. I put my back to his so I could avoid him seeing my going hard and him not. I think.

So there you go, I got up at nearly 6 the next day. Gave him a kiss on his forehead. And hugged him tight before heading to the shower room.

As I left the house, he gave me a kiss on my cheeck before giving me another goodbye hug.

He is so so sweet to me, but I cannot tolerate the whole unfaced frenzia I have of him. I know that he might not put me in his top list because work is always number one. That's what I see it now. And his ex, another horrible thing to say now is one thing he wants to get rid off.

So what should I do with him? Like what I told my other gay friend the other day, "you just go with the flow girl."

And I will do exactly the same too.

So Chombi has not been wandering around, except for having his time spend either with his loyal gay friends. Or some other guy he is or not going out with, or with his cheer family or lastly just stucked at home with his parents doing some good-boy drama show at home.

I've been shying away from the scene the past 2 weeks, I think. There weren't any obvious reason given. I didn't went partying on the eve of Merdeka. And that weekend I didn' t go anywhere, or did I just dropped by at La Queens which went totally wrong.

In between all these uncool hype, I was actually amazed to be able to meet new friends of friends. Just to reveal one of my obvious weaknessess is that I tend to fall easily for friends friend. And that can turn out to be either good, bad, or just plain disastrous.

I still remember whenever my friends at the Palladium organises a party amongst ourselves, and if there were someone new amongst the group and also that he happens to be my type I would then turn that night into the hunting night of mine. And then right after that, it would be over between me, the new friend of our friends. I'm horrible I know but I can't tolerate it myself.

And then came to this one party I attended last week. Initially I was excited with the invitation received because I knew the host well and organising a party by these spoilt brat himself it would turn out to be a crazy maniac one. But come that day, I just had this feeling of unbelonging. I wanted to shy away from the party. I knew a few other plu guys were going, so perhaps it would also be a night of stiff beauty competition. Oh, what the heck I actually went at hte 11th hour when my other friend suddenly decided to go. Seriously, wtf.

We went, drank, ate some tid bits and watched the sideline show. It was ok. But personally, the party could have gone either way. Party just for close-close friends or a mega big party to celebrate the birthday girls 16th year.

The few guys I know were there. Dressing to impress while I opted just to be plain Jane. But there was this one guy, or two you can speak so who was introduced to me like weeks back from my other friends. Let's go by the name of Naz and the other as Hakem. I got to know both from the same friend, i.e. the hosts and actually I was really drawn towards them already. I mean first impression counts so well, that both of them were so so my type.

I was not too sure if I was their type. I don't think they know what I am up to. I mean I like Naz because he is cute and matured, and Hakem because he is cute and matured too. OMG! I'm so blonde.

Then...I do still have Harry to think of. Right?

I had a conversation with Harry the other day on our relationship. Well I was a little bit too impatient about the whole situation we were going through.

I didn't know whether were we going out.

I didn't know whether were we just chilling out.

I didn't know whether was I only being a teman tapi mesra.

I asked whether was he interested in me. Blunt.

He said it was too early to say so, which I already expected. But he did say he wanted to explore further between us before he could go serious. One obvious reason is that he is still hurt from his previous and only relationship.

The weekend we spend together was more intimate as before. Not sex, but the conversation we had and the things we do. First, he showed me his family photo album and his personals too. What impressed me a little was Harry went for Haji already in 2001. Gowd, this reminded me of my ex. And now I am about to date another Haji!

We also went to the pasar pagi on Sunday to buy fruits, vege and some of my favorite kerepek.
We had breakfast and read the paper and continued to tuck in bed. We cuddled and played with our hp cameras.

Kalista, Kenisha and baby Tim...

My lovely cousins in Sydney, Australia....

The Lun Bawang Cultural Nite 2006

Saloma @ 26 August

As you might be aware, the Ibans of Sarawak celebrate the Gawai Dayak while the Kadazans of Sabah celebrate the Pesta Keamatan. Well even my native too do have such celebration which also coincide with Gawai on June 1st every year. The celebration is held at Lawas by the Persatuan Lun Bawang Sarawak (northern region of Sarawak near the border line between the state and Sabah), with sports and cultural event held for 5 days consecutively. As to commerate this celebration, the Wilayah Persekutuan division organised a gala dinner just last weekend at Saloma. My parents were as usual there as it is part of thier duty to do so. And me? I was there involved with the cultural performance, where I choreographed 3 dance. 1 of it which was a contemporary piece. Just to cut it short, everyone loved the idea of me putting in some modern element especially with the traditional dance called Alai Nguan. I'm still learning my part as a choreographer. Next year, there would be a national level celebration which would be celebrated in Kuching. And of course, I will be there!

My family

Father and sons

the cousins

me and my brother Mark

cousin Dorin and cousin Grace

I skipped church yesterday and stayed overnight at this guy's house which is like 8mins walk frm my home.

Prior to that, I was at La Queens, this new gay club in town situated at Nuovo's 2nd floor.

What happened that night was just pure dancing with clubbing friends and scrutinising the dance floor. There wasn't much of new faces, as most of them I already knew them from Musictheque and Orange. But there was this one particular guy, whom I came across when he arrived with a friend of mine. I was so interested but couldn't do much because he was a friend of a friend which turn to be my friend's boyfriend. Wtf.

Anyways, after that I went back home. But on the way back, I was already tired. And thinking of going to church the next morning was a no-no so my closest solution is to call my neighbour friend and stay over until the morning.

This guy, Joey, is actually a guy I met at the cyber cafe. We kinda noticed that we were both chatting on the same channel. To cut it short, we just exchanged numbers.

We have not had sex or anything. Just pure friendship. Joey is in his late 30's.

Got up around 11 the next day, as I rushed home to shower. I planned to gym and do some assignments. Which I did. I was also waiting for the cue from Harry, where I was to accompany him to cut his hair at Jalan TAR.

Things didn't really materialise. I met my PLU friends for drink at KLCC, while waiting for Harry but my damn 2nd hand 66o0 Nokia phone went out of battery. Hence, I didn't get to see Harry until after his haircut.

What I did, I went to Dr Mobile clinic shop to recharged my phone. I should have thought of it earlier.

So we went home, me driving as Harry wasn't feeling well. I cooked some porridge which I took some of the recipe from my ex. Gave him a massage before we went to bed.

And there it goes the sixth night we were together, without having sex.

Cool?

Been going out with Harry for about 3 weeks now, but I think we're just heading no where. Aimless and pointless dating spree.

First, we're both just out of a ltr which I think is not a good reason to some other new guy. I would call this a rebound for us.

Whenever I'm out with him, he will never miss of talking about his ex. I think I am repeating myself here again but I kinda get annoyed with it. So what I did was is that I told him off if you really want him (his fucking ex) to be out of your mind just don't talk about him. He said sometimes things around him makes him think of his ex, and that makes it more painful.

When he fecthed me from home on Thursday after work, I did something that reminded of his ex. I played my Kelly Clarkson Because of You from my handphone, and he quickly asked me to turn it off. Because it was his ex's favorite song! Wtf. My bet.

What am I expecting from Harry?

1. I don't expect much. Secondly, we have not had sex yet since day 1 except for that Thursday night when I finally had the opportunity to rub my hands on his private part, and just right before Subuh had my left hand stroking his hard 6 plus inch dick. Omg! But that was it.

2. Thinking of diving into a ltr now is really a no-no. Because I am still stupidly thinking of my ex sometimes, and also it is not fair for other guys who are trying to lure me (chewah...! I'm so perasan).

3. This boy just wanna have fun....

The Welcome roundabout, find behind is the Hyatt Hotel connected with Plaza Indonesia. On the last day, I had the privillege to see a demonstration happening at the roundabout. It was something to do with the Palestines. P/S: The roundabout is the always spot to perform any demonstrations by the anti-Government.

The first night at Hotel Mahadraja. Didn't went out, just stayed in my King size bed and watched some Indonesian soap opera. Kesian.

The ICC All Stars team getting ready for the clinic. I had to run through a training session on Friday evening with the team, mostly to strengthen their training program.

Participants at the Cheerleading Clinic.

Participants again.

Another souvinier, hand made stitches of my SorakMalaysia blog tagline:

I don't just cheer. I inspire.

Receiving a souvinier from the ICC President, Okie Trihartomo. ICC (Indonesian

Cheerleading Community) held its first cheerleading clinic for cheerleaders from Jakarta, Bandung, Surabaya and Bali which of course featured me as the main speaker!

Indonesian band, Samsons, taking a commercial short just few meters away from the Cheerleading Clinic was held.

Me in the taxi on the way to Plaza Sarina where the cab duped me! Fcuk!

My last dinner at the hotel. Nasi Goreng Mahadraja.

In the plane, back home. Just like any other traveller, when you're on the way back you feel you want the trip to be longer. But that was it for me.

Flew in with Air Asia, and as an ardent Man U fan I was really lucky!

Waiting for my luggage. See the certificate, guess who signed them for the participant?

I'm back.

As I touched down at LCCT on Sunday evening from Jakarta, it was reality check once again that I had to focus my mind to the event.

So how was Jakarta? Indeed it was an eye opening trip for me. Since it was Chombi's first trip to Indonesia, I made things easy and not plan much except for hoping to visit a club. That was it.

As I reached around noon on Friday at Sukarnoe-Hatta International Airport, my friends from ICC (Indonesian Cheerleading Community) were already there waiting. Twas' a great reunion since I last met them in April here in Kuala Lumpur.

They brought me for lunch. Batak food. Quite spicy. In short, everything I had was spicy. No comment from a non-chillie fan. As they put me to check in at Hotel Mahadraja, I was asked to be ready by 4pm to visit a training session with the AllStars team. I got back to the Hotel only slight after 10pm that evening itself from the Senayan Stadium where they had the training. So it was a quiet evening as I had to save my energy for a whole one day clinic on Saturday.

The one day clinic organised by the ICC was aimed to promote and introduce cheerleading to the cheerleaders there. The Indonesian cheerleading teams are the only few countries in the world still using the old techniques, in which I was there in the bid to change the mindset and all. I also had the privilledge to meet a few (almost all) cheerleading activists on Saturday evening. I was there to convinve them of the need to change their program and so forth. Thank God, it worked.

Chombi will be going back to Jakarta and possibly Bandung after Raya for a series of clinics.

I only had my Sunday morning and afternoon to shop, but that wasn't enough to pick what I wanted. No fret. I had at least my Batik shirt to show off now.

Chombi leaving for Jakarta tomorrow morning. It is more of a work trip than pleasure but although I would be able to slip in some.

I'm flying over there by the invitation from the Indonesian Cheerleading Community, where I would be one of the main speaker at the First Cheerleading Clinic Conference. It is more of helping to develop the sport there in Indonesia.

It is a history making trip for myself, and also for both country. I just hope that from this trip will turnout some promising plannings.

I have checked also my Utopia site, places that I should be visiting during my off period. I plan to club alone at this place called Heaven. My friend Scott said it's the only most happening gay club there. I also checked the sauna listing, sadly not that promising compared to here in KL. Damn.

Will see how. Can't wait...

What has Chombi been doing the past week that kept him occupied from the thought of being dumped by his boyfriend.

Chombi head to Wisma SPK’s Fitness First to receive his membership card which was suppose to be due 2 months back. But due to the hectic schedule of classes and cheering, gym was the least in mind.

I had my first appointment with my Personal Trainer, and had a lengthy discussion from the program I should be doing and also nutritions. Yikes! When it came to the subject of food, I couldn’t hide and self confessed that I was a big eater. The PT a.k.a. Nicholas is also a Sarawakian himself, quite cute but short. My type for ONS. But no that’s not what I wanted in the first place. I wouldn’t deny that the opportunity to catch fish at the gym is always available, but I had one focus in mind. To make it an icing on my cake, my first trip to SPK already attracted a fan base of my own. Pretty cool. I think I have been going to SPK like 3 times a week. Mostly doing running on the mills, and also working on my abs. Only last Friday I only started to do some weights. I intend to lose some pounds first before building some muscles. Not really necessary now because what matters is that I need to look great in my jeans! That’s it.

When I met Harry, I found out that he was also a beauty freak like me. I mean being physically beautiful in they eyes of the others matters. Harry used to be a Fitness First member until he had to stopped because of his idiotic boyfriend plus working commitment. His work forces him to travel, hence the termination of membership.

That was about a year ago. I think he still has a nice body, though u might spot the little baby fats. Not excessive, but still sexy. When we were at Orange, he had a few potential who made eye contact to him. Well he told me that, and I kinda believe what he said because he was incredibly hot that night. I so wanted to have sex but we didn’t.

I would really prefer to pronounce this relationship as a Teman Tapi Mesra.

I met this guy from the mIRC. Let's call him Harry.

Harry lives in Ampang. A 29yo Sarawakian, who works in Bangsar. Also recently left from a 7yo relationship with this one idiot he always said. I don't actually understand how could u love someone for so long, and when things are over everything beautifuls turns to everything ugly.

Harry sometimes talks about his ex. Not sometimes, perhaps almost a lot. So I told him, if you were trying to forget him one major step is to not to talk about him. From my conclusion, Harry had to leave the relationship because he caught his lover having sex with someone at his place.

Gosh this was already dejavu for me!

So turns out to be, Harry is a simple, straight acting and friendly guy. Chombi is not expecting much of this because all I need now is just no-strings-attached kind of relationship. But I cannot consider our relationship to be that yet, because after staying over at his place three nights we have not had any sexual contact as yet. The most was cuddling in bed when sleeping.

I was shy, and he confessed he was. So I will just leave this to Allah.

Last night, I brought him to Orange. According to him, he never clubs to PLU hangouts accept for the straight ones. Believe it or not? I didn't careless but just as excited as him to go to Orange. Last night was the Grand Final of the Voice of Stars competition. The only straight and real girl beat 9 gay hopefulls to the coveted crown. Funny but exhilarating!

So my friends were there at past midnite. They saw me with Harry, and he was the hottie they all wanted to go ga-ga for. But sorry boys, he's mine!

Harry can't dance as well as my ex. But that is not nice to compare.

What's up next? We're leaving for PC Fair at KLCC then head to Low Yatt. He wants to sneak on the prices of the projector. OMG, to project our first sex scene on the wall kot.

With the recent talked about of Jennifer's life from the downfold to the uptown girl, I thought of making myself the simillar transparent. Just to make myself happy. Just to redeem my ego from the breakup.

So what's was Jenny's solution?

She went out with many man. When I refer this, it was not your typical going for dinner and later on bring him back for the night and have a ons. I have not thought of it either. Jennifer and I share the same star. We're both Aquarius. PLUs - People Like Us would consider what we're doing as a nobelty towards our health. I mean is that after going through the pain, and suffocation of breathe to stand from the turmoil all we need was something back. Just a sign to relief.

Note: According to my ex, this going out with other guys just to chill with was already considered dating. OMG.

With our very different opinion, I had to live with mine and to fight for it. What I have learn during this current period is that I made myself a complete idiot but comparing them with my ex. Although I have no pure intention to date someone seriously at this moment, (as my heart is crying out loud....."jiwang!!!")....all I want to do is to appreciate my time and do more exploration. Just like what TV3 is doing now with Explorace, going beyond expectations with Malaysia Airlines.

So who is Chombi hanging out with now?

A movie featuring Jennifer Aniston was out just recently, and what made it so interesting was the movie was too much of looking glass mirror effect towards me.

I was given a break up message from my then boyfriend at 3am, where I read it only the following morning. I was rushing for class at 8am, and my alarm wasn't working at all. When I saw his message, I was a little excited. But not. The content was just too harsh to read. Even the opening says, "Sayang, I have been thinking a lot........"

That was enought to predict the message contain. To be frank, we weren't in our best relationship the month. I think it was me. Or not me. Wouldn't want to pint it out here.

So there you go. He finally gave me a freedom, but a freedom that I wouldn't want to accept. Not for now. If I was to review the relationship I had with my then boyfriend, (which I will officially refer him as my ex), I think I had learnT many things. Especially when it comes to understanding a person, and having the opportunity to spend your precious minutes with your love ones.

I only had him to rely on when I needed someone to talk to. You know, when you're just pondering on something and would like to send an sms to someone. The instant recall is him. But now I can't do that.

Although I would like to confess that I do still love him, it would be meaningless. He has made up his mind. And I have to accept it.

Maybe I will follow suit what Jennifer has done. She's my role model now.

I received an invitation to this new club which opened it's first night last weekend. The venue, formerly known as Backroom to almost all is now vividly called Elit Club (without the e). One main reason that intrigue me to go is that my favorite dj was spinning, DJ Ivan (formerly with Musictheque). So anticipation was high. Orange was no.2 on the list then.

Well, I thought a few friends would be there too. But it was a white lie. Only this one friend was there, one whom I only see every 6 months. Like biskut kering.

But anyways, one word to explain the whole night. Hampa. In English, it was a big letdown.

Even Ivan's spinning consule was so crappy. It was a turn off. Music wise, he lost his touch. I had to ask him to play Tokyo Drift, the only 2 new song played on air after Buttons by Pussy Cat Dolls which I think he played thrice. Adui!

So next week, Orange will be on the top notch.

Anyway, Happy Birthday to my mum. Although she would not be reading this. Crazy kah!?

Not many friends knew about this, and some did with no applaud. But not all had the opportunity to see the beauty within me. Hah.

I had to take out my eyebrow piercing last week because of the stewpeek show I accepted for Genting in conjunction with the World Cup. In cheerleading, wearing studs or earings is unacceptable because of safety reason. I thought I was able to wear them for at least a month, to keep the ring-hole alive! But that didn't work either.

So I only have this pictures to carry on until I die! Not bragging, but at least I tried!

There goes the hundred bucks!

I did quite well for my last shor sem examinations, but that didn't qualify me for some 30% discount formy tuition fee this semester. Wtf!

Oh well, I scored A (4.00) for Small Group Communication and Meeting Skills subject. But the A-(3.75) for Public Speaking was the killer! I should have gotten a 4 flat! Seriously, I really hate my lecturer whom I fantasise everyday!

Asshole!

Hah! You might have read The Star paper the other day. Did you read the few posts before this, of which team was I coaching etc. Well, the bestest news is that one of the team I coached, Anchorz from SMK Seri Bintang Selatan came out tops as the Best Newcomer Award. This award was given to a team who has not competed before.

I took over as the coach of the team in early April. When I first started, I didn't put much hope as the girls had really bad basics. So I kinda had to really screw them on that. And the magic wand works. After a month, the girls became one inspiring team. 2 weeks before nationals, that was when the routine was choreographed and taught. The girls were really an explosive lot. On day 1 of the competition, a lot came to me saying that they were awesome and the routine was eye catching. I didn't think so.

But then, judges from the US and the UK thought they were. So there you go, the 2006 newcomer award went to my baby! Hah. My major achievement as a cheerleading coach. Tahniah Jude!

I have one major confession to make, but sadly I can't make it here! Sob.

So I'm a cheerleader, and I'm now a dancer. But I'm overweight?!

It has been one of my personal issues of having an ideal weight for myself. Although I have receive some nice comment that I do look nice with my weight now, but I still have this little insecurities of myself. A guy whom I don't know well came to me once and said that if I really take care of myself like cutting out the excess fats and going to gym, I would be a goddess. How intrigue?

Cinderella story is nice to hear. But to me, my overweight issue is not a Cinderella story. I would blame this on my active lifestyle. More of my hormones actually. I have this one major problem, which I think almost

everyone who is close to me knows what is it. When it comes to food, I can be an animal freak. I eat as though food has not been served for 1000 years. I eat as though there is no tomorrow.

Once, I was at the cafeteria at college. I ordered a nasi ayam (nasi tambah), and then had wantan soup as a side order. Then I again I ordered another light meal, eggs with hotdogs. Plus a dessert, waffle with ice cream! In between, I had 2 carrot juice. My classmates were horrified. I was too. Now my nickname in class is Tum-Tum. It hurts inside.

So today I have made a big decision. A personal decision. My boyfriend might be laughing his heart out when he reads this, but I guess it takes one to start. I will be cutting a lot of food from now onwards. No more eating late at night. No more eating two meals at once. Junk food is okay but not too excessive! Focus more on getting rid of the excess fats first. Swim and jog, if not then just do some cardio dance. Just remembered, my Fitness First membership is still hanging loose. I should go tomorrow!

I want to be a goddess. I want to be a beautiful swan. Not an ugly duckling! Not a guy to be rejected because of his overweights.

People say beauty comes from within. But as I already know the asam garam of this cruel world, beauty is from outside first. It is so true.

My crush! This boy is my junior at college. Well he is a Diploma student, but doing the same course Corporate Communication. Born in Johor Bharu. I read his profile on Friendster, and found out that one of his hobby is actually reading the Quran. Gowd, it really ticked me off!

He lives in the same hostel block as me. Him on the 7th while me on the 1st floor. Went to his room only once, with another course mate who borrowed his laptop. I caught him, I mean we caught him half naked with his boxers short only. Rasa nak makan je!

Anyway, I heard he is confused. I hope he is. Because he was born to be people like us!
p/s: Sayang jangan marah sangat ye. It's just a crush. At least I'm honest!

I knew I would be having a really really busy week ahead of me but did not think that things would really go this extreme.

Every evening, I will be very tired. My eyes sore and body aching. Imagine since Monday I had to get up early for a morning cheerleading session. Then moving on with another school in the afternoon, and then to All Stars practise in the evening. Had the same one again for Tuesday and Wednesday.

Gowd. Although this helps me lose some weight, and have a nice figure back but the setbacks I'm getting is just untolerable. And those around me is not helping either. So I had to sneak and take a nap whenever I can. Which I did in between recess, or while I'm in the taxi or even at home when TV is on but watching me sleeping.

I hope all this will bring the betterment, especially with the Nationals. I know this year I have the brightest chances to win some trophies with the teams I am coaching. I just hope the cards will be played right this time around.

DSTARZ, SMK (P) SRI AMAN

I’m on my short term break, and will be resuming back for the new long semester this coming 23rd. So what’s keeping me tight up on schedule? To you, it might be boring but to me it matters most as what I do is what I really care and love doing. What else? Cheerleading!

The 7th national high school championship is scheduled on July 1 & 2 at the national indoor stadium in Bukit Jalil. Prelude to that, the regional qualifiers will be held at Penang and Johor respectively on the 24th and 25th this month. I might be going to Penang to watch.

This year alone, I’m coaching 3 schools.
SMK (P) Sri Aman, Petaling Jaya (senior team), SMK Seri Bintang Selatan, Cheras (junior team) and Sekolah Sri Garden, Cheras (senior team)

This would be my fifth year, coaching cheerleading seriously. And being one of the pioneer cheerleader with the so-called national cheerleading team, Extreme Malaysia All Stars (formerly known as Team All Stars of Malaysia), it is so interesting that I have not won the national title yet! So this time around, I might sound a little bit desperate as I am betting my cards on the Sri Aman senior team whom I see has the brightest prospect to shine at the nationals. Meanwhile, the junior team from Seri Bintang Selatan is slotted to win the Best Newcommer title. If all goes well, I would be the celebrated coach of the year! Fingers crossed.

ANCHORZ, SMK SERI BINTANG SELATAN

So what is it like to be in a situation when the person you love most does not understand you? And at the same time you were totally caught up on the wrong edge, and everything seems to point out the bad impression of you?

I had a messed up quaral with my love one last week. I was really pissed with his attitude, something I have already been immune too. But it got too much when I just blew the lid off. I was writing and replying messages constantly. Putting all the past to the present, and saying all things I shouldn't have as what I did was wrong. Well if I put my communication theory unto hand, I shouldn't have. But one cannot control self emotion right?

I would describe that I am having an emotional war with my partner. Seriously, I don't know what is getting into his head? It seems that sometime he doesn't understand at all what I am going through.

I had to go back to my parents to so-called celebrate my thriumph at the dance competition, when initially it was suppose to be just the two of us. Well I had to informed him about the plan has to be postponed. So then he had to mention that oh I cannot see you until Friday, which I understand because his mom is admitted to the hospital. What I am not satisfied with is that he wants me to make all the first move to say things and act them out. I mean, WTF!

Sorry you have to read this, but I had to write them somewhere. I have no one to turn to. My sister is too in love with his Nepalese cyber boyfriend so has no time for my little grudge. Gay friends to turn too? I guess everyone has a problem. So who else to turn to when I have a personal blog!

But personal it is, when even my lover already know's the web address!

I'm just so fucked up now.

My boyfriend has a cat, which does not belong to him but his brother who resides in Penang. So now, we have to be the unfortunate foster parent for the time being. I think. But anyway, her name is Xena. But I call her Zina (originates from the Malay word berzina) because she likes to f**k around with all the other stray male cats at Pantai Hill Park! And when I found out that she was pregnant, I gave her a surname too. Trash. So her official registered name with the Jabatan Pendaftaran Haiwan now is Zina Trash. Well she looked so trashy the last time around, during her pregnancy period. I don't even borther to pat her.

She gave birth to four kittens, of which my boyfriend and I were so excited about when we heard Zina's kittens was already meowing in the computer room. Well we were chatting in the master room when I heard some kitten crying out loud. I'm like......my other cats don't cry that way. Owh shit! It's Zina! She's delivering!

So now, with her four kittens being fed and kept in the cage to be put safe from danger (my other two cats Joey Jinx and Jinggo Jinx) life is just beautiful for Zina. Of the four, my boyfriend is keeping one. Well I kinda insisted him to. We are taking the biggest in size, apparently quite big for a month old kitten. Chubby of course, obese I don't know!

We were deciding for his name. Maybe Chubby Jinx. So for a short form, we call him Chub!

Euuuuw.....so geli kan?!

The cats my boyfriend is feeding everyday:

1. Joey Jinx (female but very tomboy!)

2. Jinggo Jinx (male but very gay!)

3. Zina Trash (and her four kittens - 3 to be given away. Any takers?)

I made my debut as a solo dancer at the National Hip Hop Challenge 2006 at Summit USJ, begging 3rd placing in the solo dance category!

Well I competed at the qualifying rounds, 2 weeks back and was aiming to make it to the Finals. After qualifying to the Finals and knowing that the chances to win some prizes were there so I made up a routine which I think was good enough to give the veterans a run of thier money.

I'm just excited for finishing 3rd, well the best male soloist as the Top 2 was won by the only 2 female soloist in the Finals! Weird. Thank my boyfriend who was supporting me with ideas and went shopping at Sungei Wang for the clothings. I spend nearly 200 bucks but in return redeemed them with the prizes I won which includes:

A trophy, a certificate, RM200 cash, Levis footwear and some other vouchers. Cool!

Boleh tahan lah...

L-R: Aina, Nicki and duh!

I'm pretty sorry for the long absence. I have been really busy. Tremendously tied up with either cheer, family assignment, class assignments, sex calls and cats. I have dine you some pictures of mine. Personel and none personel. Just to share my bit during my absence. Muah. And happy birthday to our King! Hail the King!

I have this friend. Well I would consider him as one of my closest friend because my circle of gay friends pun is quite small. Apparently I heard from, and confirmed by one of my close friend that he is actually dating or would I say already hitched with one friend of ours! Well this friend of ours is actually his housemate jugak! So both living under one roof for nearly 5-6 years and only now that the bunga bermekar?!

I'm not doubting, or perhapds jealous although I have confessed here before that I had a little bit of feelings for the housemate of his. But that was years back. I'm happy for the two friends of mine. Though I'm still a little bit sceptical with this whole idea because the reason being this friend of mine always play prank!

Only this weekend's party becomes the ultimate answer to all this frenzy....

Then there this friend of mine, also another close friend who happens sit in the same circle with the couple mentioned above. He currently works with one of the ministry based at Jalan TAR. Anyway, this friend is always outstation or I should put that he is send for working assignment doing talks and all.

Just last weekend he was at Kota Kinabalu, Sabah. He called me a few times, and happen to be I was the only pathetic ear available to hear all his stories. Well I was a bit impressed with the fact that government servant like him can actually have a pleasant and enjoying life. Or was that not suppose to happen?

Hahah. I'm happy that he has a good job now. Since the first day we met, the eve of Miss World 2001, things has changed for the good. It's so funny to think all this now.

One more thing before signing off, another old old friend of mine, whom was in this small unregistered group called the Pink Sisters in Blouse! He will be here on the weekend with his Sabahan boyfriend! I think he is also Kadazan like him. What I heard is that he is the bomb! Will find out once again!

I spend my weekend with my new boyfriend. Well, he is not new. I'm back again with my ex, my then boyfriend who is now the officialy new boyfriend of mine. Hope I'm not confusing anyone yet.

Well I don't want to be a centre of attention here, but the reason I decided or we wanted the relationship to go on was because we could not hide the fact that pretending what is not would not do any better for any of us. We know how much we understand one another now and I guess the relationship will be on a different level then the previous one.

The stupid thing, or I would say the weirdest thing is that we both still have this silly feelings for one another. Remember how going out with a new guy, and all the fuss and excitement. I felt the same way. Couldn't stop thinking of my ex (or let's put it as my new boyfriend)!

I could see the relationship moving to a healthy and more matured direction.

The other day, we played squash. Well it was my very first attempt playing this raquet game as compared to tennir or badminton. I was indeed fascinated by Nical David's power shots and it drove me to have my very own game. My boyfriend was good. Not very good but a good player. Heheh. So there was no complains when I lost my first squash game in history to him. I think the score was 9-6 / 3 -9 / 1-9 / 2 -9

And we played again on Tuesday and I lost again, but this time around 2-3! Close call but never giving up.

Anyway both of us will be busy this weekend entertaining close friends. Apparently those invited for this are all couples. Sounds odd. My darling will be cooking some odd dish too. I pun tak paham but I trust him with food.

Owh, afterwards we will plan to go to Musictheque! Like a celebration too! I can't wait! Serious!

I'm skipping class today because I don't feel like going. Seating in class for 2 hours and listening anf jotting down notes not to my liking today. I can't force myself to be there in the first place because I won't be attentive to my lectures but instead perhaps will be doing some choreography work for my cheer team.

Anyway, the cheerleading nationals will be held this coming 1st and 2nd July at Putra Stadium. This would be the 7th annual competition, and will see an increase of participating teams since there would qualifying round this year in Johor! Cool huh?!

I'm taking charge of D'starz of Sri Aman school this year, and of course Sri Garden's team. So 2 teams in hand, I have enough to sweat myself out this year. My realistic chances for this year is that for the Sri Aman team to squeeze into Top 5 this year and the later to maintain the Top 10 positioning.

Fingers crossed.

Mister cheerleader is back to class again! The two weeks break wasn't what I expected.

This short semester, I'll be taking only 3 subjects which totalls up to 8 credit hours. I think I can cope with Public Speaking class since this subject is one of my favorite. Small Group Communication is another scoring subject (since my sister scored A- for this in the last sem). Maybe my only setback is for Meeting Skills. Again, isn't this so famillar?

I bumped with my roommate on Monday evening, after the nearly 3 weeks of seperation. I missed him. He miss me too, I think. I think I should call him the roommate-I-Will-Not-Get-Laid-With-Ever. This time around his is so much cuter, or was it me being ignorant. I spotted a new Adidas shoes, all-white. And he has this new sets of clothing on. Have I influenced him in dressing? Am I the new glowing inspiration at the hostel?

Owh, talking about new, the new kids (new semester students who just enrolled) are quite a happening bunch. Compared to my batch, they seem to be more dressy and beautiful. The girls are the urban up-to-date types while the boys some of them are like this we call the Metrosexual. Gosh, I feel threathen!

Been doing more work than play this weekend. I took up an offer to DJ/emcee at a shopping mall. The pay for this job wasn't that fascinating, but I took in for the experience.

On Saturday I had to standby at the DJ consule from 11am til 9pm. In between I was given a 2 hours break. It wasn't that difficult but I had a spoilt of choice for songs. Since I had limited source of CDs from home, I only aired whatever I could air then. Wouldn't be surprise if the shopper complain why this DJ so rnb wan?! Or why Spice Girls?? Aiyo.

Well if I have another job like this, I will be better prepared this time around.

As I was strutting my stuff at my consule, I was also doing some cuci mata at the same time. But nothing interest me much lah.

Anyway, I have been thinking alot about me and my ex lately. I guess everyone knows what has been going on lately. Just that I am in my own confusing state. Although this heart seems to love him back very much but at the same time, am I really ready to commit again?

Oh, I think I should get hold of Kelly Clarkson and Madonna's album!

I had one of my laziest Friday today. After training session with DHL staff last night, I had dinner with my ex at one of the warong in Kerinchi. Actually I planned to watch movie at Midvalley afterwards, but I was already worned out! My body was aching.

Went home. We had a chat. Well a little bit of quarrel. I didn't take shower before heading to bed. I was really really not in a mood. So he was in the living room watching TV, while I tucked myself in bed. It was a breezy night. Then my ex came in. Gave me a nice hug.

And I had to spoil it saying, "Tak yah hug I! I kan tak mandi!"

So this mister ex pun tunjuk belang. He turned to the other side of the bed to show off his anger. I pun bengang! I kicked my leg. I showed my anger. I said, "nak peluk jugak!".

Had my best sex for a long time then!

Got up quite late today. We both had a heavy brunch at the mamak. Went back home. He was suppose to get ready to go for Friday prayers while I was ready to go for training with the Sri Garden team. Then it all started. Raining came pouring down. That was slightly at 1pm.

At 3pm it was still raining. Well by then both of us had skipped our respective chores and decided to be together in bed!

At 5pm it was still raining. Then, my ex was already and took his shower and performed some prayers. I went back for another short nap.

At 6pm it was still raining. I decided to get up. My ex was there by my side. He was so sweet. But I was hungry. So I cleaned my face. Went to the living room. My cats were on the couch. He prepared some tea and kueh. Again so sweet.

It was raining then. Astro was no help. So I put on the DVD and we watched Vera Drake - movie about this lady who helped young girls out (abortion) in the late 50's. A British story which aimed to portray a lady's nice heart but doing a wrongful act against the law. She was sentenced for 2 years and 6 months.

By 8pm before I left my ex, it was still raining!

Who died today???

Announcement!

My ex and I will be throwing a house party end of this month!
This is to celebrate Labour’s Day! Yikes.

Take this as an official invitation! And you know who you are lah!

Date: 29 April 2006 (Saturday)
Time: after Maghrib (for those who don’t pray) and after Isyak for those who do!
Venue: Phase II, Pantai Hill Park

Please let me know if you are inviting a partner along because this invitation is per individual only. Need to know the number or else, someone has to eat at the mamak later on!

Muah...

Remember my Genting trip with my ex, and when I had to go through the rollercoaster ride?

Well I could relate that to my past few days of living as a person. It was one such ride.

I was professing on my ex’s boyfriend for being a true annoyance. Just yesterday, thing’s went off. My ex dumped his boyfriend for good!

Am I the real mean bitch? Or am I just too powerful influencing people’s life? I think I should tell my dad that I should sign up with the Youth BN Party!

My ex called me to come over his place and said that he had some good news for me. He said maybe good news to me. I decided to go because no harm done. In my mind, I thought that if the good news was not about any sponsorship deals for my team then it had got to do with him and his boyfriend.

This was true indeed when he told me that his boyfriend was already emotionally blackmailing him! And it was enough to blow the lid off. Venito!

So he was smiling, or maybe smirking when he said he was single now. Am I supposed to jump the wagon and take his hand for a ride. The ride of our lives!

I’ll think about it. Anyways, I pity my ex’s boyfriend who is now officially the ex of my ex. Complicated? Then again, I’m the best ever ex produced since Adam and Eve what! So why pity? Just celebrate!

Why do we hurt the most the person we love the most?

I watched Gubra yesterday with my sister and cousin at Midvalley after obtaining my semester result. Well Mr. Cheerleader kick-all-out didn't do pretty well. Scored 3.100 for CPGA, a bit shy away from the 3.5 I craved for.

I was not dismayed by the result, but took it as a new opening for me. Now that books are my good old buddies, I wouldn't be worrying too much on my education.

Elsewhere, I have been a little bit upset and perhaps you can troubled by what is going on with me, my ex and his boyfriend. Sounds complicated? It is.

I don't really know at first what do I really want out of this. This ridiculous relationship. I was punked by my ex and his good boyfriend about the little secret Genting trip we had. I thought to snatch my ex away from his double life and have a meaningful outing up at the Highlands. To find out the next day, on my face that this two a**hole has already talked about it, and the konon-nye good boyfriend allows my ex to go with me to Genting.

It sounds good. I mean the boyfriend accepting it well. But I don't think so. I think it is not right.
Knowing the fact that I am not very much ready to get back with my ex, until he is ready to leave that boyfirend of his. And until everything is cleared.

I was really annoyed again yesterday when this boyfriend of his text message me when the sms I sent earlier was meant for my ex. True annoyance and RUDE! Like I have posted before here, he is controlling my ex's phone until I have no privillege to sent him messages I want to send. So it's better not to send. Because if I do, all I get is unpleasant replies. Again, WTF!

All I wish was that my ex to not call me on my birthday. Because this would not have been so complicated. Or maybe my ex should have been a little bit patience playing with his tool. Capricorn always is one.

What am I to do when I am hurt? Or is this just the kick back from what I have done to my ex in the past?