Trying to sort my life the past few days. The sms from my ex still boils in my mind until today. I feel so helpless, and sometimes things that I do do not give me any satisfaction. Like last Sunday, I had a performance at Atmospheare for the East is Red Party, a fund raising event for Pink Triangle. The thought of having gorgeous man around me and watching me prouncing like an angel did not give me a full blast hard on. I was still in mourn of the death of my love relationship. The one that took nearly 2 years to build.

I'm so thankful that my friends are quite sensitive. Maybe not all but the encouragement I get is enough to give me a needed rest. I shouldn't be thinking too much since the decision was done. Or was it not? I am so confused. Part of me wants the relationship back, and part of me not.

And today it strike me again! Someone blurted out that..."oh yeah, take things for granted Jude!" Perhaps it is very true that I take things for granted. Two sms of the same issue from two different people was enough to wake me up! It was my rude awakening. I was sitting on the sofa thinking on what I have done in the past and how have I been taking everything for granted!

I have no blinking idea how to pour out my love issue here.

Just to cut the chase, I was dumped by my boyfriend of nearly 2 years on Thursday evening. I was devastated. The sms he sent me damaged the whole idae of having a wonderful relationship. It goes:

"This is what I want you to do tomorrow afternoon. Come over to the house an collect your stuff. Leave the house key in the mail box. Please make it clean and simple."

What the f**k?

"I derserved it", someone said.

"Owh, you poor little thing", said another.

I thought I could have confronted him and asked for forgiveness. But I didn't. I couldn't. "All this while you took me for granted", he said.

I haven't cried. But the grief I tendered the past 3 days is unimaginable. I love him still, in fact he is the first guy I have really fallen in love with.

I will let the weekend to rest, and will let the week to decide. Being the alone me would be a blessing, or could be pure nightmare. I don't know what future brings for me. I can't think.

Today is my worst every nightmare...

I went to visit Thermos today after been missing in action for a near 2 weeks. So I decided to just drop by, and meet my sauna buddies.

The other excitement was that Thermos went through a small renovation, and that kept the excitement. But what could be the worst thing to hit you (as a boyfriend)?

When you bumped into your boyfriend at the sauna! At the doorstep!

God help me.

Have you watched Emily Rose? Creeps me until today. I watched the excorcism movie with my sayang before I left for Genting. And while I was at the Hotel, the thought of creepy sound and sixth sense haunts me. Thank God I have a macho room mate who kept accompanying me. Ha.

I will be watching Harry Porter real soon, and Chicken Little too. Or should I not? Oh by the way, I will be performing at Atmospheare this Sunday for East is Red Party, a fund raising event for Pink Triangle and also next Wednesday at Zouk for Mambo Jambo: Back to School Party.

Cool huh?

I have 2 events to look forward to this weekend. Firstly, will be attending an open house cum birthday party. Of course there would be a full load of men there. But sigh, my boyfriend will be right beside me shooting down at every opportunity I have. On Sunday, besides the party at 12SI my team will be having a sparring session with a cheerleading team from Singapore. Coolness again?!

Shit, class starts next week!

I was browsing through the pictures gallery at www.kl-iq.com and there was this one particular or two snaps taken that caught me! Here it is:













Now focus on the guy with the red tee! We look alike! Spooky!